The past six months have been both full and rewarding; busy and challenging.
Tom and Taylor made a nine hole mini golf course from scratch.
It’s really a dream come true for me to get to call this my job. I hope to continue the long legacy of my grandparents and parents by creating safe space for people to freely unlock who they are as they learn more about the deep love of God.
A few months ago Tom and I moved from my parents house to our first apartment in Kansas City. We live with my brother Taylor in a two bedroom flat and we have several friends who live within walking distance. It’s nice to begin to settle into our new city. We had to do a lot of painting and are unpacking still.
I was lucky enough to begin my first ever recording of an original song. It’s still in process but it wouldn’t be happening without a few pushes and brotherly care from Beau Davidson and Corey Evans. I can’t wait to share the finished product with all of you.
Luke and I work at a dine in movie theater downtown. He tends bar and I am a server. Luke is enjoying his independence renting a 4th floor room. We hope to work on some music projects in the next year.
Leah and Chris are moving here at the end of the summer. I can hardly believe it. Leah got a dream job at an amazing arts based learning school right in midtown. They have visited us a few times.
Devon is growing so fast none of us can keep up. He is officially a high school sophomore. Here he is in full Fiddler on the Roof garb. He was a Poppa!!
Mom has been working so hard on getting her pottery studio set up. And we are on the edge of filling orders and classes. This month I am helping her run a kids arts camp.
Dad is happy to focus on the Antioch school more this fall along with all the other fields he tends to. He is back in his Visionary element these days. I can see the hope filled satisfaction of leading and Fathering the Kingdom in his eyes. He travels to encourage the many Boiler Rooms and Kingdom relationships around the globe often. I feel loved to see my parents loved for who they are.
I recently visited Boiler Room network cousins in Tulsa. I was hosted so well, it was like finding family.
Now I’m preparing for next year’s VCKC class of ’14 with our amazing leadership team.
Well, there are some highlights from KC.
Right now we have been trying to figure out a few things:
– if Tom can go to school
– job things/piecing together finances
– what are the next steps we should take towards creating a family
Thanks for all your love and support friends.
We love you.
Okay New Year, I’m gonna kick your butt!
Another year, another year older. Time to commit, make vows, oaths, and lamentations. January has got so much to carry. New hopes, dreams, schemes, fears. And all of the carried remainder from last year. New city, new soil. New information about what was, and new hope for what will. Today I am saying, Bring it on January-
This year my aim is to write one blog a month. And to finish 5 songs. (I’ve started at least 50). The goal that seems the most out of my control and wild, and to use my dad’s coinage: squirreliest, is to make significant steps forward in our family building journey. Yet I am the most tenacious about doing so this year.
That’s it, if I put health goals out there I will intimidate myself before I start.
We are actively seeking both medical and adoption information right now and am learning a lot about adoption.
If anyone has adopted domestically in the past few years any help/advice would be amazing!
Happy New Year Everyone!
I learned what grief is.
And I learned that as deep as my pain and grief is, God’s Love for me is deeper still. And that you can only trust to the extent that you know you are loved.
And I learned how to be comfortable with others in their pain as I became ok with my own. I learned what the Father must have been feeling when he created me. And why everything in society and life comes back to Family. And all that has taught me to hope.
Six years and we are still in the middle of our story. You know what? I think it’s going to be a great one.
my mom is a professional potter and she is building a studio
go to the link to help out. thank you!
Every year my crazy big family gets together for a weekend and then we go to a water park or something. This year was Noah’s ark and it was hot and wet and fun. A big group of cousins were standing in line for our first slide and they are all loud and cracking jokes and full of excited energy just to be together even though it was the fourth day! I was at the back of the group and there was this little girl who slowly got closer and closer to the group. She even passed me to see what all the fun loud people were doing. She had a curious unaware pure spirit that if you judge too fast seems intrusive and a little in your space. I could tell she was a character so I asked her what other rides she had been on so far. She paused and looked confused for a moment and then told me she didn’t know. She turned and walked away so I thought our interaction was over. But a few minutes later she came right up to me and said that her dad didn’t know either. 🙂 I started chatting with her and I felt like Anne Shirley finding a kindred spirit. As the line crept up to the slide stair by stair our conversation lapsed.
“I was adopted.” she stated matter-of-factly. “My mom couldn’t have a baby in her tummy so I was her dream come true.”
I smiled and said that I’m sure she was her mom’s dream come true. I couldn’t believe that she had found me. Such a sweet, bold, innocent child.
“Are you a mom?”
“No, not yet.” I said.
“Well, do you know how to take care of kids?” she asked.
“Yeah, I was a nanny, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning how to take care of kids.” I smilingly assured her.
“Because not everyone knows how to take care of kids.” she replied soberly.
How did she find me?! To just announce the simple things she did, I felt like God had given me this moment with this little girl. She had completely made my day. My heart had been coming alive to adoption in the last few weeks and here is this little girl telling me how she was her mom’s dream come true. It was so sweet and unexpected. The whole rest of the day I was silently hoping and praying that I would run into them again and get to tell the parents that their daughter made my day. At the end of the day I got to do just that. We were heading back to our family’s pavilion and who is coming around the corner, but the little girl and her whole family. She walked right up to me and put her little hand in mine like old friends and asked me if the path we were on lead to the wave pool. God had answered my prayer. As I explained how their daughter had made my day, I told them all she had said and that we are thinking of adopting ourselves. They told me that they adopted all three of their children through the foster system.
It was so sweet the way she trusted me and put her hand right into mine. And it was a small miracle that they walked by us in a park of hundreds of people. I felt like I was given a small yet overwhelming gift. A true moment with someone who said the thing I needed to hear. I don’t have an exact plan in place for what we will do next on our journey to become parents but I have always wanted to adopt. Before I knew I would face infertility. So at this point I’m just listening and learning and reading as much as I can about it. It can take a long time, so I want to get started with a real plan soon. I just know that sweet hand in mine opened something in my heart that I had closed off for a while.
“You know your mom is going to try to tell us we should move there.”
“Of course she is!” I said smiling, “It’s my mom. She always wants us to live down the block from her.” I laughed back at my husband.
“Okay but we are NOT moving there. No matter what.” He said.
Kansas City’s crime rate, size and its lack of large body of water or mountain range had all been previously discussed, and I saw these things flash in his eyes as my husband spoke.
The thought had not crossed my mind. I was excited to see my family again and spend a whole week with them for Thanksgiving.
My parents moved to Kansas City from my childhood home in July last year and even though out separation hadn’t been long, as soon as I saw my dad walking up to us smiling his shy smile in the airport, I ran to hug him and put my head in his chest and tried to swallow the rising sob in my throat . I was home. My heart knew it before I had any suspicion of it.
We spent the first few days wandering down old Trolley paths and exploring the city. By day four my husband said,
“This is way different than I thought it would be. We need to talk.”
He said that he was thinking that living here wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I was shocked. Stunned. It hadn’t been an option so I was keeping my thoughts in check on the “move here” front. The next day we took my parents out to barbecue to talk it over with them. As my husband started to present how he was starting to feel about the idea of moving he began to cry big bucket tears. Once again, I was shocked. This guy doesn’t cry ever. And here he is in the middle of the restaurant being moved more than I’ve ever seen him in our five years together. He said he has never known anything like he Knew that we were supposed to move to Kansas City. Once we got back to our apartment it felt empty to us like the life had been sucked out of it. Our home had moved.
About three years ago we took a big risk in the name of young adventure and spent a year in Connecticut. We learned a lot about who we are both as a couple and as individuals. We also learned that we value family and creativity very highly. So we moved back to our hometowns to be near our families. So we have taken this big risk to move across the country before, but this time feels different. We might spend some time here and really put down roots.
I feel like all of July was saying goodbye all the time. And it was good and necessary but it feels good to be moved and here. I still need to fall apart and take a few more naps to be back to normal.
We moved across the country today.
No big deal just packed everything we own up and drove eight hours. My mom and I rode together and we listened to the last and first halves of the second and third books of Anne of Green Gables the whole way. (confused yet?) It’s been a long time coming but we made it to our new beginning. “NEW” will be the word for a while as we acclimate. But we left “Alone” behind. Driving into the city and knowing that we did not have to leave was so great today. “We live here!” my husband’s text read. After a month of saying goodbye and pushing through the end of our jobs, just getting to this moment feels like a triumph. And we still have to unload the truck tomorrow!
I got my hopes up.. again. I swear I tried not to but when it was four days past the usual start of my cycle, I woke up early and couldn’t sleep. I tried not to count the months and imagine the joyous announcing and relief. It was 4 am and I waited until my husband left for work around 6:30 and went to the nearest 24/7 walgreens that would be open on a sunday. I milled around the cosmetics trying not to head straight for the aisle I wanted to go.. picked up some bobby pins and panty liners I figured I could use them either way… and got the walgreens brand pregnancy test. I found myself gushing to the cashier way too much. And she wished me luck no matter what outcome I was hoping for. It was negative and I told myself that I’d wait a few more days and use the second one. I didn’t want to even tell my husband that I had bought one because he would tell me not to get my hopes up. And when he called asking why I had spent $20 at walgreens, he did. He understood and said that I didn’t have to keep it from him. But I just didn’t want to make it a big deal. Later that afternoon, right as we were heading out the door I got my period. I was numb and stuffed any feelings away as much as possible to make it through a family reunion. But today it all came crashing down and the aching hole in my chest found new flames. I have been learning guitar and all the songs I write are sad. I feel like I must be one of those people who you scroll down and try not to read on Facebook. I don’t mean to make others uncomfortable by talking about it all the time but I am sad. And I can only compartmentalize my feelings so much and so often. Therapy tomorrow. I hope it helps. Thanks for reading. It really does make me feel less alone to see people are taking the time. If you like, take a listen below.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to process through not being able to have kids. This was recorded on my iPhone and it’s not perfect but here it is.
It’s Not Too Late