Invest Your Love

It’s time to face facts. My husband and I really can’t have biological kids.
“Don’t give up, miracles happen.”
People keep telling me that I’m Sarah and I’m not. God hasn’t told me that I will give birth to a son and my descendants will be like the stars. So yes, I am open to a miracle but I can’t live in disappointment of one each month. This chapter of seeking a biological child is coming to a close and now we have to mourn. I have always wanted to adopt. Not just in the back of my head but out loud to my friends when I was sixteen. And even younger in my dreams. When I think about adoption I feel like it’s right for me. God did tell me that I’d have rainbow children. And whenever I see a rainbow it speaks to that promise. But I’m not going full swing into the adoption process just yet. I want to be able to be free to love my child when they come to me without the pain of this grief feeling so strong. I never thought I’d be here having to face this. But here I am. I’m going to go see a therapist for the first time. I just need some more coping tools and help with this. I still feel kind of numb this week about everything but I think I’m just protecting myself from really facing it yet. Day by day.
“Where you invest your love, you invest your life.” Mumford and Sons

20120207-100251.jpg

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Invest Your Love

  1. spoken in grace, in truth. Healing is a process, but the Healer is always near and holds you, covers you in that process. His nearness is your good (ps.73). Your life already beams rainbows and beauty and colour surround you …… WILL surround you. Your brokenness as offering is precious to Creator, His artistry upon your life a song; now a lament, in time a symphony of praise! The rainbow is comprised of MANY colours, in fact it encompasses the entire ‘spectrum’ of all of life’s colours. That is significant. Each of your expreiences is like that, the colour that is produced from each one melds into the next colour in the spectrum. It is a profound – sometimes subtle, sometimes not – picture of life. We look over where we’ve come and see the streaks and layers of paint and colour and begin to grasp some form of what is being created in and over our journey. Take pause, breathe in and out, let the Healer emcompass you & Tom, wait for Him. His name is “faithful One”, fall into that! I love you…… you know WE ALL do!!

    check out this psalm 73 version, beautiful:

    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ps%2073&version=CEV

    **P.S. was musing that ‘rainbow children’ could mean from around the globe? be it adoption of 1 or more ‘culture kids’ OR ‘mothering/ministering’ to many of them (as mission…..?)

  2. My sweet friend, I am grieving with you. I simply can’t imagine, and I am so sorry. I will pray that your heart is supernaturally refreshed and healed, and that you find an even more intimate love with your Father. Blessings…

  3. I can’t even imagine the emotions you are experiencing right now. My husband and I dread the day, if it should come, that we would have to face such things, feel such things. God has an amazing plan for you! You’re right…you are not Sarah…you are you…just as special, just as loved by God. I know that he is going to bless you guys in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine right now. Blessings and HUGS to you!

what do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s