I read once that facing Infertility is a “life crisis”. Hearing that gave me more permission to accept where I am. It’s ok to feel crazy and depressed and alone. You’re in a crisis!… But I can’t stay in those dark places. It’s just not my nature and wallowing has its cathartic moment but when that wave passes, breathe it out of you and live.
Today I am staring down a brick wall of “WHAT IFS?!!” my mom and husband say I can’t go there yet because I am not facing them yet. But when the only thing between you and IVF is Sudafed!? You’d be freaking too. I never wanted IVF to be an option for some reasons of control and questions of health to the baby but now that doors are closing left and right it is time to revisit all of our available options. Long story short, there was no evidence of a blockage on my husbands ultrasound. Everything is normal but we still don’t have our answer. Nothing wrong, nothing to fix. And for Tom that’s frustrating. He wishes he could just fix it. I guess the hardest thing about this whole thing comes back down to control. I didn’t want to do IVF because I wanted full control over the development of my child (more what ifs). Most people spend their whole life trying to avoid pregnancy. It is unnatural to be on the flip side.
The doctor said that sometimes Sudafed can help for some reason so we got a prescription for that. It feels like a last resort. We will wait and see…
An excerpt from an article I found that might put things in perspective:
“Besides the medical part of infertility treatments, women and men are dealing with the emotional stress of infertility. To put this into perspective, infertility treatment can be as stressful as a cancer diagnosis. Unique emotional challenges such as understanding the medical diagnosis, the relationship with your spouse and your family and friends and, finally, financial stress all combine together to make dealing with this issue more stressful. “
Thanks for praying. Not giving up without a fight!