New Year New Beginnings

I’m in a play and there are performances every weekend this month. It is really empowering and encouraging to be a part of  local community theater. It has been four years since I’ve been in any sort of production and the first time I’ve done anything without knowing everyone before..  and it’s like picking up a plant you thought was dead and finding it quite alive and ready to flower with a little love.

You can’t forget who you are. You can try, but you will just feel dead inside.

backdrop mural

 

"But when people die, they are supposed to stay dead!"

We also have two fertility oriented appointments this month. One was last week where tom had an ultrasound to hopefully give us some answers. People in the fertility world talk about “the two week wait” before they can know if they are pregnant. Well, we are halfway through our own two week wait to know the ultrasound results. Our follow up is next Monday. Hopefully there is something they can tell us. So far, we haven’t had to pay out of pocket for anything related to this. And that is a Miracle! We have been so blessed by family and friends who have given so generously to us for these extra expenses. It gives me further proof that anything is possible and we are so grateful for the support. But for now, we wait.

the waiting is the hardest part.

  I heard something about the stages of emotions as you face infertility. They said that what comes out as anger is usually just a cover for fear. And that feeling overwhelmed is better than being out of control. It’s true. when we had no plan and hadn’t seen a doctor yet I felt so out of control and it was easy to despair. The day we went to the doctor i had a major meltdown because I was brought into the reality that there is something wrong. And all the information and cost and black and white of it was extremely overwhelming.

Hearing about these stages gives me perspective that I am normal and there are others that go through this too. I must remember that this process IS moving forward emotionally, and by asking more questions and seeing a doctor.

someday this will all make such a great story…. I just know it.

joelle-

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